So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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