Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
