I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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