I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
