my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
