people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
