It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
