Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize