There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
