Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
