we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
