I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
