think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
