It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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