You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize