Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
