The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
