Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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