I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When are your genitals available?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
