Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
