I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
