it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
