a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
