new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
