Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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