Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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