I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
