I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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