You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
