My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
