I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize