I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
did you just send me my own nude
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
