The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
