he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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