i permit you to call me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize