Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
