dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
