He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
