Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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