I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
