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i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
