Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
