I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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