Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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