ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
