She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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