can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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