I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
