my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
