She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
