Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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