Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
