the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize