I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
