Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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