I wish life had little blips of pornography
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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