i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
