he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
