I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
