I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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