You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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