Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
