did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize