That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
