Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
