If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize