I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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