And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize