Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
