This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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