It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
