After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
