i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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