that's an acceptable place to lick
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
