I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
