Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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