So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
