Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
