Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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