he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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