My nipple is on Facebook.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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