My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
