Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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