Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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