Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
