There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
