In the future we'll all be gay
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
