I wish my penis had an off switch
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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