Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
