You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
